w/ creative chimera storyteller Abhas 🦎🇮🇳🏝 on life-changing solo trips + asking: how to reframe anxiety as excitement? (009)
Co-Host: Abhas Misraraj @abhasmisraraj | Host: Xinyi Xan @xinyixan
Hi! You're listening to episode 9 of Don't Be Strangers, and I'm your host XinYi. This is a series of collaborative conversations that focuses on learning from friends and strangers alike on how to create agency in your life and deepen your connections with everyone you meet. Today's conversation was an absolute blast re-living because the co-host is my creative chimera brother Abhas who is helping me to co-create a community for fellow creatives like us.
The story of how we met is a little unlikely because years ago, I recorded an episode with Aileen for her podcast called The Lavendaire Lifestyle and it was through this episode that Abhas actually found and followed my account. I have this habit of occasionally dm'ing strangers who are lurking in my instagram stories just to say hi and thank them for their support and.... that's how Abhas and I met. From years of anonymity to suddenly exchanging voice and video clips at the cusp of my 5-week trip to Chicago where Abhas happened to be based at the time... that's how we ended up meeting in-person and sparked a very special kind of friendship.
He's an absolute joy to speak with and has such a big heart — get ready as we dive into topics such as (1) his dream home, (2) our shared struggles of wanting to build a place to call our own while simultaneously wanted to disown everything to travel the world, (3) his life changing trip as a solo traveler, (4) how our art has changed based on our personal growth journey, and (5) reframing anxiety as excitement to overcome the fear of public speaking. So this is Abhas describing a little bit about himself...
Timestamps
00:34 - Q Xinyi to Abhas: What does your dream space/dream home look like?
02:52 - Q Xinyi to Abhas: What prompted you to analyze your dream space so deeply?
02:57 - LifeBook Masterclass
05:33 - Book Rec: Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic
09:57 - Abhas: And a part of me is like… I would love to own no possessions.
10:47 - Q Abhas to Xinyi: How do you find balance between travel and art?
15:29 - Q Abhas to Xinyi: As a fellow Creative Chimera, how do your growth journey and your creative journey intersect?
18:05 - Xinyi: More of my art now… I still dabble in illustration…but my art now has transformed into every part of my lifestyle.
21:29 - Abhas: I remember distinctly feeling like (up through school) my life was just to check the boxes… Then after I checked all the boxes, I was like, “Oh crap!… I get to decide what ARE the boxes now!”
22:58 - Abhas: I remember, for me, that manner of expressing myself was a place where I could say things that I felt I couldn’t say. Such as my feelings of being queer and not being able to tell anyone, or feeling unsafe and unloved, were represented in the way I created the character.
23:56 - Q Xinyi to Abhas: When and where was the last trip that really changed your life?
24:53 - Abhas: It was one of the first time in my life where I really, really chose myself… I’m going to do this without worrying about the needs of other people.
29:23 - Abhas: I don’t think it’s cheating! It’s like, what are you trying to win, y’know? There’s no game to it! I feel like you should go with whatever you feel good about.
29:31 - Creative Chimera’s Club
30:00 - Q Abhas to Xinyi:You're so amazing at building community and reaching out to people (that's how we met!). Tips for reaching out to people on social media?
33:33 - Xinyi: Step 1 - recognize what space you’re comfortable interacting with people in. Step 2 - if you recognize that making connections is important to you, but you understand that certain aspects of making connections is difficult for you…
35:39 - Q Abhas to Xinyi: When you think about your own emotional and social needs, what do your social circles look like? And what do you personally need/expect from people at different levels of closeness?
40:52 - Episode 004: w/ Berlin-based photographer Claire P. 🧡🌸🌿 from meeting on YouTube to hanging in NYC, Dallas, and Dublin + asking: can I see myself as an engineer for the rest of my life?
41:08 - Q Xinyi to Abhas: Inspired by the community we're trying to build collaboratively, do you see yourself as a leader? Where is your ideal position in a group? Do you struggle with public speaking?
43:13 - Abhas: It’s very much about the way you frame your mind. Because if you frame your mind… your body is having a physiological reaction and that may be shallowness of breath, anxiety manifested, etc. but your body doesn’t know what to call it. And if you call it anxiety, then you’re going to be like: “Omg, I’m so anxious!” But I’ve learned to reframe it and if you think, “Oh, I’m just excited!” You can literally connect excitement to that same feeling !
47:06 - Q Xinyi to Abhas: How do you define a stranger and at what point do they transition from being one to not being one?
47:30 - Abhas: Everyone has a story and everyone deserves some level of empathy and understanding.
48:02 - Every person is their own microcosm of experience. And whether or not I agree with someone, I can at least listen to them.
Thank you sincerely again Abhas, for our weekly check-in calls that are so so so nourishing for my soul. It's something akin to having a life-coach / therapy because you're just so introspective and intuitive — I feel very lucky to have a brother like you in my life. Last but not least — I mentioned in the last episode that I'm trying to expand this community by developing a pen pal club to accompany this passion project. The little one-liner I settled on is:
The Don’t Be Strangers ✨☺️ Pen Pal Club is a whole-community experience supported by life enthusiasts seeking deeper friendships (hello, is this you? 👀).
Join our community to…
connect with like-minded and adventurous friends 💭
participate in monthly journal prompts 📓 (inspired by questions explored in the podcast!)
learn, practice, and develop genuine and profound connections
If I've piqued your interest and you want to find out more or sign up for the email list that will notify you when this pen pal community goes live — you can find the link in both the show notes and on the @dontbestrangers instagram page where you are always more than welcomed to leave feedback, meet other cool humans, and just drop by for the good vibes. Until next time, ciao from Playa del Carmen, Mexico and remember — don't be a stranger!