w/ Berlin-based photographer Claire P. 🧡🌸🌿 from meeting on YouTube to hanging in NYC, Dallas, and Dublin + asking: can I see myself as an engineer for the rest of my life? (004)
Co-Host: Claire Petersen @byclairep | Host: Xinyi Xan @xinyixan
Claire photography portfolio: @shotbyclairep / www.clairepetersen.com
Hellooo, it's so good to catch up again. Today I'm sharing episode 4 of Don't Be Strangers, a podcast and social experiment for learning to create meaningful connections together via collaborative conversations! My name's XinYi, and the way this works is that anyone of any background can apply to come on and chat with me about anything under the sun. The goal is to simply narrow the gap between all of us as fellow humans. Today we're chatting with my Berlin-based Irish friend Claire, whom is I met in New York City thanks to the power of YouTube. Highlights of our conversation includes (1) The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin — a personality analysis of how you deal with internal and external expectations which is very useful for understanding why there can be disagreements or tension, (2) Claire's secret to not burning out as she attempts to turn her photography hobby into a business (3) Is the 40 hour work week actually effective, productive, and sustainable? (4) What living in Berlin is actually like and why does Claire adore it so much?, and (5) success defined as "doing what you said you'd do, with ease..." As usual, I'll include all the timestamps and more in the show notes, so let's jump to it!
Questions & Highlights [ Timestamp Index ]
01:33 - How we met!
02:57 - You never know what will happen when you reach out to people online...
04:48 - "That’s how you know you’ve got a good friend… when it feels like that [like no time has passed at all]"
05:27 - The sum of my 5 closest friends say that we all suck at replying LOL
05:50 - The 4 Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin Explained
07:38 - Upholders = Dungeons & Dragon's Lawful Good
09:21 - I have rebellious tendencies which align with Questioners
10:41 - Q Claire to Xinyi: Do you get analysis paralysis as a Questioner?
12:50 - Q Xinyi to Claire: Did you find that your friends fell under a particular tendency? (Since you made everyone take this?)
14:04 - Q Xinyi to Claire: Is there any information on the relationship dynamics between these 4 tendencies?
14:10 - I think she [Gretchen Rubin] says that two Questioners couldn’t be in a relationship.
14:47 - Claire: "You’re the first questioner that I’m friends with!!"
15:13 - Claire: I’ve always been known for asking so many questions in school…I remember getting a certificate for most inquisitive mind, which feels like an award made just to give this little weird kid so that they could have something to be proud of
17:18 - Claire: There’s just something comforting knowing why people think in certain ways...
18:20 - Q Xinyi to Claire: What do you find so insightful about personality tests?? Why are they so appealing?
19:48 - Enneagram Personality Test Results
20:43 - Xinyi: What sets the Enneagram apart is that they believe you are one type for the entirety of your life but you can have growth vs regressive phases... I think the most interesting part is that they have breakdown info about these growth and regressive states
22:50 - Q Xinyi to Claire: Which 3 books/podcasts/self development resource would you give to your 18 year old to kick start her adulthood?
23:00 - BOOK REC: Peak: Secrets from the New Science of Expertise by Anders Ericsson
23:30 - Claire: It talks about how talent isn’t actually an important thing and that anyone can excel in anything. But the thing you need is hours and hours of deliberate practice.
24:09 - 10,000 hours that Malcolm Gladwell popularized
24:50 - BOOK REC: The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now by Meg Jay, PhD
26:09 - Q Xinyi to Claire: As you've started turning your photography into a business, do you feel like you have been able to preserve the fundamental playfulness of the craft? If so, how? If not, how can you? (because I feel like a lot of creatives who turn their art into a business face the problem of burn out so I'm very curious to year your thoughts)
27:47 - Claire: My secret is that I’m not too successful at it yet...
29:53 - Xinyi: I actually don’t make any income from my art...I know a lot of people introduce themselves as their professional career, but I always introduce myself as an artist despite the fact that my source of income and day job is a web dev.
31:31 - Xinyi: I believe that everyone is, as a human intrinsically born both a scientist and an artist.
32:03 - Q Claire to Xinyi: Do you always see yourself as a programmer?
32:43 - Xinyi: (on the topic of imposter syndrome) I’ve gotten to a point where I’m still like “yeah I don’t know anything but at least I’ve gotten pretty good at googling.”
34:09 - Xinyi: What I concluded was that I just dislike trying to work on anything for 40 hours a week... So even if it was my art, I’d come to detest my art. I’m not saying everyone is doomed to dislike their job or dislike their passion, I just feel like as a creative chimera I need to be involved with lots of different things. If and when this career naturally concludes, I’m ready for the next thing.
35:31 - Xinyi: I think there’s so much to be explored in life...It’s kind of disheartening and heartbreaking that society expects you to have a linear career path where you’ll do the same thing for 40+ years because I know everyone is multi dimensional.
36:30 - Multi-hypenate/Slashie Way of Living
37:06 - Claire: It shouldn’t add up to more than a full time job
37:51 - Xinyi: I don’t think anyone can truly be productive for 8 consecutive hours
39:24 - Xinyi: A lot of modern professional jobs are desk jobs... I feel like those are very detrimental to your health to be sitting for so long. I’ve heard the case for sitting being the equivalent of smoking.
39:50 - Q Xinyi to Claire: You've traveled quite a bit — what makes Berlin so special in comparison to all the other places you've visited and lived?
40:19 - Claire: Big thing about Berlin is cost of living is so cheap...That goes hand-in-hand with the fact that there are so many creative, odd ball, young people living here
41:46 - Claire: In Berlin you can 100% work in English.
43:39 - Claire: You can do whatever you want kinda like New York where no one bats an eyelid at what you do or what you wear...
43:49 - Q Claire to Xinyi: Are there any creative hobbies that you havent tried yet, that you hope to try in the future?
44:41 - Live2D Cubism
45:20 - Xinyi: "I think my holdback... my constant devil on my shoulder is that, 'you're not good enough...'... Which is very disappointing because that's the fastest way to kill anything... to kill everything."
47:13 - Xinyi: I want to get used to putting out things that aren’t good or perfect... because I want to normalize the process of becoming good.
48:29 - Q Xinyi to Claire: How do you define a stranger and at what point do they transition from being one to not?
49:44 - Parasocial relationships — one-sided relationships, where one person extends emotional energy, interest and time, and the other party, the persona, is completely unaware of the other's existence.
50:39 - Q Xinyi to Claire: do you feel like you need to know someone's name for them to become not a stranger?
50:50 - Claire agreed with me over my hub's answer from episode 1, hehe
52:36 - Claire: I don’t think I ever consciously use the term stranger either... It seems like a very closed off way to look at the world... if you're looking out and thinking, 'that person's a stranger... that person's a stranger...'
54:08 - Q Claire to Xinyi: You seem to have a lot of side projects that you keep up. How do you find the motivation/time to keep up side projects long term? (This is something I struggle with so I am curious)
55:15 - Xinyi: In terms of creating space and time for everything... I think that naturally there will be one or two projects that’ll capture my attention more than the others.
56:18 - Xinyi: The sad part was, that’s not actually a made up ambition...And just apply that sort of ambitious ness to every aspect of my life and just imagine how miserable I was.
57:32 - Xinyi: You should always do what feels good or best at that time and not expect to be able to take a 24 clock and divide it by your number of interests
58:04 - Xinyi: You are not going to as effectively (fill in the blank) when you’re feeling a resistance to doing it
59:12 - Success defined as: "Doing what you said you'd do, with ease."
I swear that Claire is my secret twin sister because sometimes we still read each other's minds... even when we haven't spoken in over two years! Do you have any friends like this? Please feel free to shoot a dm or leave a public comment and start a community thread @dontbestrangers on instagram to share your your thoughts about the conversation or any feedback you'd like to give! Speaking of which, since starting to introduce each of the co-hosts, as per feedback from episode 1 with my husband, I'd love to know if it's been too extra that I both introduce the guest and ask them to introduce themselves? Or how do you feel?
And thank you for the overwhelming support I've gotten thus far because my initial goal was to produce 5 episodes, so I could get a feel of whether this was a project I wanted to keep longterm. And I think as of right now, I have scheduled enough conversations that I can produce 10 episodes. So truly, thank you from the bottom of my heart, and this is your reminder that you, too, can apply to co-host an episode! And if you know anyone who would appreciate these conversations or loves making friends and building community, it would be amazing if you could share the podcast and help make a few introductions!
Speaking of introductions, you can also say hi to Claire via @byclairep / @shotbyclairep on instagram where you can find her gorgeous portrait photography works & remember, don't be a stranger. :- ) I can't wait to chat again soon~